Happy Birthday ‘Merica!  I decided to celebrate your birthday just as much as I celebrate mine, with booze and awkward talk!  It was an event that I so craftily dubbed “Drunk Downtown Lexington Fireworks Fantastic Night Of Fun Time: Red White and Drunk”.  It was a wonderful night full of booze, fireworks, lots and lots of sexy women and a party hat I like to call Steve.

STEVE
STEVE

So we drank throughout the night and had a wonderful buzz going, when suddenly, sitting outside of Harvey’s, we heard an explosion.  Naturally, with a drink in my hand, buzzed and drunk with power from the pure awesomness of Steve, I assumed it was a bomb.  Immediatly picking up my drink, I coaxed Ryan and Micah to come see the festivities that were unfolding one block down (At this point I discovered it was fireworks… maybe people running toward to explosions was a tipped me off).  So I grabbed my Beam and Coke wrapped tightly in a plastic cup and dove down the street like a cat in heat!

Suddenly, it began to rain.  Thanks to Steve, my hair was not getting wet, though Micah and Ryan weren’t having the best luck with not having a Steve.  We saw the fireworks in the distance but were still getting rained on, so we ducked under the first tree we saw along with two others guys.  It was quiet for a moment, then the most beautiful firework exploded above us, lighting the sky a tint of purple, reminding us of all Vietnam.  Then, out of the purple, came two complete strangers behind us singing the National Anthem.  So, I had my Beam and Coke, I had Steve, why not go ahead and sing along?  So, we did.  Then we decided whenever something awesome happened in the show, we would sing something patriotic.  Eventually though ten minutes in, we ran out of patriotic songs and had to sing things that just had America in the names, like American Pie, Born In The USA, America (Fuck Yeah), and last but not relevant, Bohemium Rhapsody… you know… just cause.

After high-five the shit out of everyone under the tree (all five of us) we went to McCarthey’s for some good ‘ol fashioned douchebag bar fun.  Ryan and another friend of ours went to go get a drink and Micah and I spotted a table across the see of polo shirts and fake blonde highlights.  We ran over to the table and there sat one man by himself, staring at us as if we’d punched Jesus.   We finally convinced him to let us have the table, then we had a couple of drinks, sobered up and went home.  Ohh yeah, everytime I ran into a girl, I tipped the rim of my hat and said, “Ma’am.”  That shit actually worked alright.  ‘Course, by the end of the night it was more scattershot than anything.  I dunno, It was a good night.