Creating Nothing Into Nothing

I feel like writing a new blog, knowing, of course, I don’t really have anything to write about.  See, usually I write about my life and the “adventures” I go through (which in reality, are nothing that big/interesting.  I only make this larger than life in my writing to try and emulate how I perceive them).  The thing is I feel this rather large part of me, begging to me put literally anything down on paper.  Which, I’m trying to do right now.  I’m trying to make something out of nothing and wondering if I’ll succeed.

This will be a blog where I don’t get many comments.  Mostly because when it is done, I would have not said one damn thing about my life, or the life of others.  I would not have said anything interesting or slightly “honest” as most people have said.  I would have simply been ranting on my blog about how I have no ideas and how this is the first damn thing that came out of my life.

Ultimately though, I would like to come to some big ending that not only wraps up what I’m saying but makes it a part of the canon.  Something that is completely self-contained but still creates somewhat of a big picture in the grand scheme of things (I said the same damn thing twice in that sentence and no doubt people will see that.  Hell, maybe they’ll comment on that).

The only thing standing in my way is that I simply have nothing to talk about.  Yeah, some fun shit has happened to me lately but there wasn’t a punchline.  There wasn’t something that made the whole experience relevant.  I would write about it and I would get to the inevitable part where I would need to wrap it up and it would always end with me just going, “then I went to bed.”

END OF BLOG

My roommate is watching a rerun of ’30 Rock’ while he eats some oatmeal that sounds and smells absolutely fantastic.  I love this episode, it’s the one where Liz goes to her high-school reunion and Jack tags along.  It’s arguably my favorite episode and the funniest.  It has a great bit in it where the actors in the show keep getting upstaged by the page while they are in the elevator.  It’s hilarious how they react to their “power getting taken away.”  That’s great, if there is one thing this show captures, it’s how actor consciously or subconsciously react to someone taking the attention away from them.

I’ll be the first to admit, I do feel threatened when the attention is taken away from me.  Maybe that’s why I do this blog.  I dunno, all I know is that good or bad, I’m not ashamed to say this.  Call me egotistical.  I don’t feel this way by choice.  It literally just happens.    I’m not proud of it, I’m just not scared to point out the MULTIPLE faults I have.  If I point it out before everyone else does, it isn’t such a big deal…

I’m working on it.

The thing is (how many fucking times have I said that phrase?) I have been fairly depressed over the last couple of days because of this and that event.  I linked them because honestly, i don’t wanna be repetitive and just say the damn things over and over again.  If you’ve read them, that’s great, if you haven’t, then you ain’t missing too much.  You just need to know I’m depressed.  Well, kinda depressed.

Anyways, as i sit here, I realize that I’ve been so damn bummed out over this girl that I have completely failed to notice that I’m out of school for the semester and I have some good times ahead of me (that sentence was entirely too long and grammatically incorrect).  Jesus, I don’t know where I’m going with this…

Ryan is finished eating his oatmeal and sitting in the recliner, finishing out the episode.  I keep typing but can’t exactly keep my attention.  Jesus… this blog is a failure isn’t it?  It’s barely over 700 words and hasn’t made a greater point.  But does it need to?  Why does everything have to have a climax to be interesting?  In a way, it has to.  That’s what keeps things going, knowing that it’s leading to something that will make it all relevant… right?  How many times have you seen a movie or a play where the outcome just fails in comparison to the rest of the feature?  Pretty often if you’ve seen a Paul WS Anderson film but can something still be good and just continue to go on?  Hell, I don’t think so, in fact, I know so.  It’s probably because I like things that get wrapped up.  This isn’t one of those things though.  Everything is brought up but with no solution.

Shit, I dunno why I’m ranting like this.  Makes me feel better I guess.

…

I’m going to bed.