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The Unfocussed Blog February 5, 2009

Posted by Zack in Everything Else.
Tags: , , , ,

I have writer’s block.  You see… I usually write about my life.  Well, a heightened version of it and nothing really has happened to me that makes me want to write.  I mean some really weird things have happened, don’t get me wrong, but there doesn’t seem to be a punchline.  Which is obviously is important if you’re writing humorously.  And (SPOILER ALERT) that’s mostly what I do.  So, here are things that I’ve been thinking about lately but haven’t had enough thoughts to cover a 1,000 words.

25 Random Things About Me-

Alright, this is getting out of hand people.  Originally I was on board.  I was interested initially and tried to read them all without missing one, then comment.  It started getting crazy about two weeks ago.  Next thing I know I have (literally, i counted) 23 people tagging me in their 25RTAM notes and I couldn’t read them all.  So, i thought I would write one myself.  I got to six and found that I couldn’t put a spin on it and I’m not gonna do the same-ol-same-ol as everyone else.  Not that there was anything wrong with anyone.  They are interesting and terribly intrusive, just now everyone and their mom (literally, I think my mom is going to do one) are doing it.  Please, for the sake of the internet and everyone on it, if you do one of these facebook-chainmail-clusterfucks please do something different with it.  Take some advice from Powerline, Stand Out.

Speaking of Powerline, I’m wanting to start a tribute group.  Some of you might not have any damn clue who the hell this is.  Your confusion is merited.  Maybe this clip will explain things better.

Maybe that cleared things up.  Or maybe you just watched a three minutes clip of a cartoon from ’95.  Either way, you’ve just experienced the raw power of Powerline.  I need to get this thing off the ground baby.

Theater Conference-

We came to audition.  We did.  They said they didn’t like our scene.  They said we were great in the scene and we had a genuine connection that is hard to find with auditionees (good thing?) but our scene was a poor choice because, and I quote, “the scene brought no characters to a change.”  What the hell?  You want us to get a scene, where a character changes, believably, in under three minutes?  The hell you want from you?  I personally think the judges are smoking pot and judging.  That’s just me though…

Michael Phelps-

Michael Phelps once smoked pot.  Who gives a shit.

Bryan Adams-

Whoa, Summer of ’69 just came on.  Kick ass.

The Revenger’s Tragedy-

We saw this show last night.  It was loosely adapted from an earlier play but that’s neither here nor there.  The show was okay.  The entire thing was produced as if Quentin Tarentino directed and wrote.  Which was interesting to see in a play format but more style than substance when you boil it down.  The script was almost laughable at some points but that was intentional I’m sure.  They were going for a neo-noir type thing and it worked for a while.  Just didn’t do anything for me some reason.

After Party-

Last night we had the after party.  You see, after the passing auditionees are announced, everyone is depressed (And rightly so.  The cut is 193 groups to 32.  Statistically, you won’t make the cut.  Which makes it fun.) and needs a strong drink.  So, they throw a student part at a local bar.  Every year I go, and every year I drink heavily.  This year was no exception.  But the night kept getting more and more ridiculous as it grew later.  This is actually the chain of events as they unfolded.

-Show up at the party.  Flash the ID, get a rum and cola.

-The noise is heard of someone in the crowd saying, “oh shit!” I, being a tiny person, get to high ground to look down and see what’s going on.  Two people are having a movie dance-off.  Everyone is in a circle and cheering on one of two people.  I turn to my friend and tell him that this is ridiculous.

-We get another rum and cola, beginning to relax and go to higher ground again.  If you can’t exactly dance, people watching is always fun when drunk.  At this moment, a guy jumps from the balcony and begins to crowd surf.  Surprisingly, this doesn’t end horribly and it he brought safely to the ground by the surrounding drunk thespians.  I tell my friend that this is almost too ridiculous to even write about.  I tell him people might not believe this part.

-We walk to the bar and get another rum and cola.  We turn around the three chicks, hotter than a super-nova in August, in short skirts and skin tight clothes, actually say the phrase, “Oh my god, a pole.  Why don’t we pole dance girls?”  My friend and I proceed to watch these chicks pole dance for a good five minutes.  I turn to him and simply say, “Yeah, no one is going to believe this.”

The thing is I don’t really understand dancing.  Fuck, sorry.  I messed up.  I need to start a new subject.  Or do I?  No, i suppose I could.  I need to go back and put a transition sentence in but… oh fuck it.  Who cares.


If dancing was a language you could read, I’d be illiterate.  Seriously, I’m an extroverted guy.  People know this.  I have no trouble talking to people or making people laugh (well, that’s not true.  it’s a constant challenge that I usually fail) but I just can’t understand this dancing thing.  So many people are dancing all at once.  It’s the only part of human interaction that I simply don’t get.  Maybe it’s because I can’t dance.  I really can’t.  It’s awful.  I look like I’m trying to get a ferret out of my pants but my feet are trapped to the ground (just try and get a mental picture of that, I challenge you.  First person to draw a picture of that and put it into a comment or email it to zbrokenpoet2@hotmail.com get’s a prize.  Makes sure the subject says CONTEST DRAWING).  I like watching people dance though.  it’s funny what passes for dancing.  I find myself constantly judging other peoples dancing, knowing full well that they are doing things I could never do.

Just like The Revenger’s Tragedy and dancing, it’s easy for me to judge someone’s creative epression.  But I know without a shadow of a doubt that I have no right to do so.  Theya re doing something that I have never been able to do.  Write a play, produce it and make it happen.  Dance the night away without any shred of awareness of what you look like.  I’ve never been able to just do those things (to be fair, I don’t think too many people have done the first one but hell, the second one everyone fucking does).  I dunno.  I feel like a hypocrit judging people’s movies, acting, dancing and all around personality but in reality, at least they went for it.  That’s more than I’ve ever done. It’s admirable.

It’s so easy to judge something when you’re not personally involved.

That’s all.  My computer is dying and I’m out of material.



1. Caitlin - February 5, 2009

far be it from me to turn down a challenge, but i’m afraid of any prize that could possibly result from this.

Zack - February 5, 2009

You can do much better than that Caitlin.

2. Leif Erickson - February 5, 2009

Very introspective section on dancing. Which begs the age-old question: Who needs a very introspective section on dancing?

3. Eric - February 6, 2009

You always make me laugh. The people that don’t laugh at your jokes, just don’t get it and probably spend much of their life in a totally non-humorous stupor.

4. Cindy - February 6, 2009

Zack, I have always told you, you should be a comedian. You make me laugh all the time. You are really a good sense of humor and you should use it to your advantage and go into comedy.

Okay, let me apologize for that 25 thing. I am really sorry about that one.

Now I would love to see you dance that should be funny to watch. I don’t dance and I use to way back when, but I would not do it again. Talk about funny dancing that one would be halirious (sp).

5. Kevin Hall - February 6, 2009

Judging people is what makes us human. Well, that and I guess our bodies. And our brains. And our kidneys. And our dancing.

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