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Ultimate Man Movies: 3:10 To Yuma January 15, 2008

Posted by Zack in Ultimate Man Movies.
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  • Body Count: 45
  • Pain Indifference: 3
  • “F” Bombs: 2
  • Legend: 2
  • Something For The Ladies: 1
  • Explosions/Gunfire: 11
  • Man Love: 5
  • One Liners: 3
  • Violence/Sex: 10
  • Stereotypes: 2
  • Additional Notes: 14
  • TOTAL POINTS: 98

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This is my first “Man Movie” review of the new year. You see, I went on a haitus shortly after doing the “300” Man Movie review due to its incredibly high score. I’m fairly sure there is no way anything can beat “300” in my countdown. But as I saw certain movie last year, I knew I had to come back and review them. So, here it is, the first new “Man Movie Review” of 2008.

3:10 To Yuma is a remake. If you didn’t know that, you can visit it here. This isn’t about that movie though, it’s about the new one. This movie is brutal and unforgiving. I mean, it’s really, REALLY, brutal. People die left and right as if it’s the way things are supposed to be. Shootouts, explosions, gouges, electrocutions and sliced throats, this movie has it all. Not only that, but it’s a damn good movie. It really is.

It opens with the railroad burning down Dan Evans’ (Christian Bale) barn. The railroad wants Evans off of his land, so they can build. Evans needs his land for financial and personal reasons. Meanwhile, Ben Wade (Russell Crowe) robs and murders a stagecoach full of Pinkertons. He later is caught and needs to be transfered 24 hours away to catch the 3:10 train to Yuma. Evans offers to help transfer him because, basically, he needs to money. That’s the plot. Now, here’s all the cool shit.

There are 45 deaths in mthis movie. 45!! Every ten to fifteen minutes, someone dies or is dying. The movie is filled with action and won’t stop until the last second. Literally. There are two Legend points. I won’t tell you why but still, they are there. It’s a western so, of course, there are some cases of man love. 5 to be exact. But don’t worry ladies, there’s something for you too! There is only one point for the ladies, but there is one.

Anyways, since I can’t really give away anything without ruining the movie but you need to see it asap, so, like all other man movies, I end it with my Top Ten Favorite moments of the movie.

  1. A man burns alive inside of a stagecoach, while people sit and watch.
  2. “They say diversion is a better part of valor.”
  3. There’s a monkey.
  4. There are two scalped men, cooking on a rock.
  5. Torture by electrocution.
  6. Shot through the heart, and you’re too blame…
  7. “Even bad men love their mommas.”
  8. “Tommy was weak, Tommy was stupid, Tommy is dead.”
  9. Russell Crowe’s a fucking playa’.
  10. WASH!!!!

Ultimate Man Movies: 300 (Revised) August 2, 2007

Posted by Zack in Ultimate Man Movies.
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Alright, My friend Eric decided to review the movie and didn’t quite make it through with an accurate count. No big deal, I had to watch it with three other people to get an accurate account of all the violence and points. Without Ben (Other Man-Movie Expert) and Zach Dearing (Up and coming reviewer) I wouldn’t be able to actual be able to do this review. I’m keeping Eric’s actual review as the main review because he did such a damn good job at doing it. But, I’m updating the numbers to make it accurate.
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Another brilliant piece of film making (claiming a handful of various awards) based on, yet another, Frank Miller graphic novel. By now you probably know the drill so here is the point-break down from the “ultimate man movie” list as compiled by Zack Hightower & Ben Parks.

Violence (scenes with): 19

Explosions: 18

Stabbings: 342

Hand to Hand: 50

Etc: 6 (for two gratuitous beheadings)

Body count: 228

They’ll feel that in the morning: 7

Female nudity (boobs): 6

Sex Scene: 1

Something for the ladies: 14 (see explanation below)

One liners: 7

Vengeance: 1

Misogyny: 5

Pain indifference: 10

Stereotypes: 4

Tacos: 1 (see explanation below)

Monkeys: 2 (see explanation below)

TOTAL MAN MOVIE POINTS: 721

AMOUNT OF MOVIE IN SLOW MOTION: 25.2% (We actually timed the moments and made a percentage.)*

A fairly high overall score and worth every point, which in reality should be much higher in my opinion, but like I said-it is hard to keep track of the total body count or individual deaths, let alone stabbings and hand to hand combat. The movie was chock full of all this.

300 appeals to every part of the male psyche: violence, women and our innate desire to have a beauty to rescue, the warrior inside every male that is suppressed by society (not that we should go lobbing the heads off of people that disagree with us), and our overall drive to fight for something worth fighting for.

Let me elaborate on a few points from the list that are worthy of mentioning.

Scenes with violence ( had to take the movie back before I looked at the total number of scenes in the film) found me averaging…3/4 is about right.

Something for the ladies-I awarded 1 point for Gerard Butler’s butt (which by the way was just as toned as the rest of him-no I’m not gay), 1 point for Queen Gorgo’s quip to the messenger from Persia (“Because only Spartan women give birth to real men”), 1 point for her slap to the face of Theron, the corrupt counsel member (which is also who got my stereotype point for being a corrupt member of government), her bold and eloquent remarks to the counsel members, her killing Theron for his lies and treachery, and then I had to give 10 points for the fact that there were literally hundreds of men, buff beyond comprehension, walking around with no shirts and little tiny loin cloths.

Vengeance had to be awarded 10 points for one father killing at least a dozen men by himself as he is wracked with grief at his son’s death.

Pain indifference-come one are kidding? See the movie and you’ll understand why 10 might be under-shooting a little.

While there were no tacos or monkeys in the film, King Leonidas does eat an apple after a ferocious battle and says “we can be civil” as he steps over countless bodies of the slain enemy. And I had to give points for the charging rhino and the elephants falling from the cliffs. It was just too cool.

I thought there was also a handful of some good one liners in the film. Nothing as simple as “I’ll be back,” or “Murdock…I’m coming to get you,” but great quips that are packed with raw rage and power and depth: “See old friend, I brought more soldiers that you did,” “Spartan, come back with your shield, or on it,” “Immortals…we’ll put that name to the test,” “Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!” There are more, but I’ll leave it at that.

There is so much that I could continue to say, but I’ll leave it at this: 300 is a fantastic film, both in look and the touching story it conveys. It is unabashedly and decidedly a “man-movie,” although it is not without its sensitive moments, which are poignant. Great effects, plenty of violence and fighting, some pretty ladies (and their ta-tas), a great plot with action, treachery, romance, vengeance, and brutal non-stop kick-ass battle scenes, complete with Walker-Texas-Ranger slow motion effects (minus the cheese). If you haven’t seen this brilliant film, now’s the time-it was released on DVD today (July 31). Check it out. You won’t be disappointed with this timeless tale of standing your ground to fight for what you believe in against all odds. It was totally wicked freakin’ awesome!

-Eric Henniger

*I actually went through and timed every moment of the movie that was in slow motion to get a percentage. 29.30 minutes of the movie are in slow motion, which means, 25.2% of the movie is in slow motion.

Ultimate Man Movies: Once Upon A Time In Mexico July 20, 2007

Posted by Zack in Ultimate Man Movies.
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Body Count: 87
Pain Indifference: 2
“F” Bombs: 11
Legend: 1
Something For The Ladies: 3
Explosions/Gunfire: 24
Cigarette: 1
Man-Love: 1
Vengeance: 2
One-Liners: 4
Violence/Sex Scenes: 11
Additional Notes: 10

I love Robert Rodriguez films. I don’t know why, maybe it’s because they’re unforgiving, maybe it’s because of the gratuitous violence and sudden deaths of main characters. I’m not really sure what it is, byt I love it something fierce. This film, Once Upon A Time In Mexico, is the sequel to Desperado, which essentially, is a remake of El Mariachi. All of which, are written, directed and edited by Rodriguez masterfully. These films are about a hitman named El Mariachi, who falls into situations that call for him to shoot and kill basically everyone he meets. Doesn’t sound like much, but these movies are so kick-ass that it’s almost too much awesome to behold on one television screen. That was a ridiculous statement.

In this film, El Mariachi is pulled into an ring of espionage by a rogue CIA agent to find a kill Willem Defoe for some damn reason. Truth is, i didn’t understand what the hell was going on in this movie, I really didn’t. But I enjoyed every minute of it. These films, like James Bond, boasts incredible sets, larger-than-life battles and memorable villains. This is good for one reason and one reason only, you’re so mesmerized by what’s going on that you don’t give a shit about what’s happening. I love movies like these, you know, films you can literally turn your mind off and just enjoy and forget all your boring problems for two hours.

I don’t wanna give away too much in this review, seeing how i expect everyone I know to go out and rent this/buy it. So, to wrap up my review, here are my top 10 favorite moments of the movie.

1. A guitar that’s also a gun… that still plays.
2. Cheech is at gunpoint at all times.
3. Mickey Rouke is in the film. Need I say more?
4. “No, I’ll kill the cook, I parked in the back anyways.”
5. Someone actually rigs a bullfight.
6. Hidden information can be an eyeful.
7. Someone get’s their eyes cut out.
8. GUITAR CASE SURFING!
9. Killing people by simple footsteps.
10. Blows two kneecaps off, before decapitation from a gun.

Ultimate Man Movies: Cowboy Bebop July 20, 2007

Posted by Zack in Ultimate Man Movies.
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Ladies and Gentleman, I introduce to you, someone who needs no introduction, someone who has graced my this very blog on multiple (2) occasions, Ben Parks with his review of Cowboy Bebop: The Movie!
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Cowboy Bebop is known for many things. It’s stylized animation, graphic violence, big breasted anime babes… Need I go on? Let’s see how Cowboy Bebop The Movie (What a title!) scored on the Ultimate Man Movie:

Action Scenes: 4
Car Chase: 1 (it was actually a plane/space ship chase scene, but whatever)
Scenes with:
Gun Fire: 12
Explosions: 11
Stabbing: 2 (*2 Points each) = 4
Hand-To-Hand: 6 (*2 Points each) = 12
Body Count
Deaths: 12
“They’ll feel it in the morning” (aka the takedown): 4
One Liners: 3
Cigarette: 8
Stereotypes: 1

For a total of…

80 points

Over all not a large scorer, but still a fantastic film. Most of the film is based around the story of the film, a fairly typical terrorist has a deadly virus and we must stop him story. Each character has their different skills, which leads to multiple interweaving stories. However, the action scenes do not disapoint… Thus… ONTO THE NOTES!

Notes (1 point each):

Graphic Violence: This movie is GRAPHIC! When a guy gets shot in the head at close range (and oh yes… It happens multiple times) You see a nice little squirt of blood and brain matter. Along with that you have a lot of blood. When someone gets shot, they feel it, and it shows. This movie is NOT for the weak of stomach or heart.

It only adds one point, but it’s an extra point.

Cowboy Bebop the Movie scores 81.

Ben Parks

Ultimate Man Movies: Serenity July 14, 2007

Posted by Zack in Ultimate Man Movies.
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  • Body Count: 53
  • Pain Indifference: 4
  • “F” Bombs: 1
  • Legend: 1
  • Something For The Ladies: 5
  • Explosions/Gunfire: 30
  • Man Love: 1
  • Misogyny: 1
  • Vengeance: 2
  • One Liners: 8
  • Violence/Sex Scene: 13
  • Stereotypes: 1
  • Random Notes: 25

Total: 145 Points

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I decided to go ahead and review this movie for my Man Movie countdown because it’s in my top 5 favorite movies of all time. It’s simply fun, I like it more than Star Wars. Now, I didn’t say it was better than Star Wars, but I enjoyed it more (I don’t want any fanboys drenching me with shitty comments about how Star Wars is amazing and the best sci-fi ever. Fuck you guys, I love Star Wars, but there, like every genre, is room for improvement. Star Wars isn’t the alpha and omega, beginning and the end, it’s simply movies designed to entertain, like Serenity, nothing more).

Now that I have that off my chest, Serenity is amazingly gritty for a PG-13 film. Actually, it’s the first PG-13 film to be reviewed on the Man Movie scale, and surprisingly, it holds it own against other action epics. The plot is simple, that is, if you’ve seen the show “Firefly” that it’s based on. If you haven’t seen the show, don’t watch the movie. Go out, spend 20 bucks at Target and purchase this show, I fucking guarantee you that you will not only enjoy it, but watch every episode within a week you’ll be so addicted. If you don’t wanna leave your house, you can also buy it here for a little more. But, if you’re like me and wanna experience awesomeness for free, just ask, and I’ll let you borrow it.

Where was I? Hold up, let me read real quick.

*scans prior paragraph quickly and realizes he a bad writer*

Ohh yeah, plot, alright. The plot is simple. A ship named Serenity, carrying nine people, is on the run from the Alliance, the victors of an intergalactic civil war. The movie is based around Malcolm Reynolds, a Sergent of the Browncoats (losing side of the war) who pilots the ship, Serenity, robbing the Alliance and making illegal deliveries. Things suddenly get more complicated when the Alliance begins to actively seek out one member of his crew, causing revelations to be made, and lines to be drawn. This sounds stupid but I assure, it’s fucking awesome. Easily the best Sci-Fi film that has been made since The Empire Strikes Back. This is something for the books. The films does something that other Sci-Fis don’t really do, it doesn’t take itself too seriously. it’s funny in all the right moments, and serious in all the perfect moments. It’s create characters you can’t easily forget, and easily has the best one-liners I’ve seen in a long damn time.

Here are my Top 10 Favorite Moments:

  1. “We might experience some brief turbulence… and explode.”
  2. A main characters eye is just bleeding after a brutal fight.
  3. A robot sex slave/wife.
  4. Quite possibly the coolest monologue I’ve heard in forever.
  5. Mal has no qualms about killing an unarmed, surrendered man.
  6. “I’m a leaf on the wind…”
  7. REAVERS!
  8. Old west gunfight.
  9. Lashes the dead bodies of friends to Serenity to get passed bad guys.
  10. One girl takes out 25 people, in a bar, by herself, in less that 2 minutes.

Ultimate Man Movies: Mad Max July 8, 2007

Posted by Zack in Ultimate Man Movies.
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Nudity: 1

Body Count: 13

Pain Indifference: 1

“F” Bombs: 1

Legend: 1

Something For The Ladies: 7

Explosions/Gun Fire: 7

Cigarette: 3

Man Love: 1

Misogyny: 2

Vengeance: 3

Violence/Sex Scene: 9

Additional Notes: 15

Total Points: 64

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Now, before we begin, I’d like to say that this movie did not score very high compared to other Man Movies. But, it also came out in 1979, just when action movies were getting really good, so it’s excusable. The reason I believe this film deserves to be on the countdown is because of how it created so many action movie cliche’s. The anti-hero decides to leave the force after his friend is mutilated beyond recognition, but is pulled back in after tragedy strikes, causing him to go on a murderous rampage. Sounds like every damn action movie from the 80’s and 90’s doesn’t it? Action movies rely so heavily on vengeance sometimes that it has become almost laughable. But this was one of the first, so, I’m okay with it. The film opens with a renegade car full of “cop killers” driving along, evading arrest. Mel Gibson’s character, Max, waits patiently until every other police car is crashed/burnt/blown-up. Then, he decides he’s gonna take them out.

This is when the film began to get tricky for me. One, I had no fucking clue what was going on. Two, there was not at all any time for the to even recognize any of the characters except for Max, his wife, his best friend, and his baby. Then, more gun shots go off, a girl gets raped by a gang ran by the most flamboyant/showy leader I’ve ever seen. This man reminds me of Meat Loaf, if he was gay. That’s almost dead on. I can tell this movie influenced tons of action movies when shot by shot I’ve seen almost the same camera angle in other movies ranging from The Punisher to Saw. Saw basically stole a plot point from Mad Max. I can’t really believe that the writers of Saw haven’t seen that scene in Mad Max. It’s too coincidental.  Here are a couple of my favorite things.

1.  Movie opens with a cop watching people have sex through a sniper rifle’s scope.

2.  There are five violent crashes in the first ten minutes.

3.  The leader of the biker gang villains rides around in a recliner, sitting in the bed of a truck… Classy.

4.  Lines like, “Look what’s for dinner!” followed immediately by, “My favorite kind, Female!”

5.  Max tortures somebody by literally dropping a car on him.

6.  Even when his arm is ran over by a motorcycle and he’s shot through the knee cap, Max get’s his man.

7.  Cut off your own foot or blow up.

8.  People drive into strategically placed stacks of barrels full of gasoline.

9.  A dismembered hand hangs from Max’s car.

10.  Max refers to his scorched best friend as “it.”

It’s good, a little slow in the middle but really good. Stick to it, and watch the second film, The Road Warrior, which is supposed to be amazing. I’ll be reviewing that later down the line.

Ultimate Man Movies: Reservoir Dogs July 3, 2007

Posted by Zack in Ultimate Man Movies.
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Here is a quick Man Movie review by my friend Ben again. We’ve decided to team up to do as many as humanly possible. Here’s the one for Reservoir Dogs.

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One of the ultimate “heist gone wrong” films, Reservoir Dogs follows the tale of 6 men chosen to do a diamond heist that goes terribly wrong because one of them is rat… But which?

Nudity: 0 Points
Body Count: 10 Points
Pain Indifference: 0 Points
F-Bombs: 211 Points
Something for the Ladies: 0 Points
Explosions/Gun Fire: 10 Points
Cigarette: 8 Points
Misogony: 0 Points
Vengeance: 0 Points
One Liners: 2 Points
Violence/Sex Scene: 10 Points
Stereotypes: 0 Points

Notes:

1) The Cop In The Trunk
Very Cool

2) The Mr. Blonde Torture Scene
Almost too brutal to watch… Despite the camera turning away at an appropriate moment

3) Ridiculous ammounts of pain
Not neccesarily pain indifference, but ridiculous ammounts of pain and torture in this movie

4) Samuel L. Jackson Cameo
Bad ass mother (shut yo’ mouth!), hey I’m just talking about Samuel L. Jackson

5) The Komode Story
A nice touch to the story of the undercover cop

For a grand total of…
251 Points

–Ben Parks

Ultimate Man Movies: Total Recall July 2, 2007

Posted by Zack in Ultimate Man Movies.
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Nudity: 3
Body Count: 68
Pain Indifference: 2
“F” Bombs: 19
Something For The Ladies: 1
Explosions/Gun Fire: 21
Mysogony: 4
Vengeance: 1
One Liners: 6
Violence/Sex Scenes: 14
Stereotypes: 1
Additional Notes: 14

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Alright… I admit, I was weary about this one. I love man movies, but all of Arnold’s movies tend to be the same. He kills people and gives a bad punchline. That’s about it. The Terminator movies kick alot of ass (Which I will be reviewing in about two weeks) but other than that, I’ve always been okay. He’s never been my favorite action star. That coveted spot belongs to Bruce Willis who consistantly creates wonderful action movies. But that’s not who this is about. This is about the govannor of California.

If you haven’t seen Total Recall, it’s one of those “Mind Fuck” movies where you think you know what’s happening, then they throw something into the gears and your confused. As always, you follow it, wondering where it’s gonna go but sadly it never actually delivers on that. But, the action is fun, the story is good enough where we don’t care, and Arnold does a tad bit of acting at the beginning. Of course, he falls back into his old standby character and the movie goes on autopilot but damn, is it a fun ride.

The movie has 68 deaths. That astonishing. The film is only 113 minutes long which means if I round up the total, it’s roughly two deaths a minute. Arnold goes through dozen’s of henchmen in every scene while he fights for… actually, now that i think about it i don’t have any idea why he ran around for two hours. Oh well, onward and upward. There is almost nothing here for the ladies, I mean nothing. Unless a woman loves a three titty woman who is getting groped for free for reasons again unknown. This seems to be happening alot in Man Movies. The films overall violent tendencies is shown immediatly upon the beginning of the film, setting the tone for the rest. Nothing is surprising, but everything is welcomed. There are some bizaar things in this movie. (Spoiler Alert) There is a person with a mutant growing out of thier stomach but they can’t apparently both be awake at the same time. Like I said, woman with three tits (I keep coming back to that but seriously, how often do you see it), he also designs his dream girl in a lab where she is essentially “created” for him. This is the most ridiculous action movie I’ve ever seen.

The total Kick Ass points is 154. All in all, this was one heck of a movie, and an even better man movie.

Ultimate Man Movies: The Boondock Saints June 30, 2007

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I needed help with my Ultimate Movie countdown due to rehearsal and job complications so this weeks review is actually written by my good friend Ben Parks. He took my scoring system and added his own twist on it. I hope you like it. Without further ado… Ben Parks!

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A fantastic Ultimate Man Movie follows the journey of the McManus brothers as they seek out the evil in the world and eliminate it one person at a time. With religous undertones the Saints as they are later known take on the philosophy that the world is full of corrupt, evil men and that they are the ones that God has called upon to do the job of ridding the world of it. Now onto the point round up:

Nudity: 1 Point
Body Count: 28 Points
Pain Indifference: 4 Points
F-Bombs: 154 Points
Legend: 4 Points
Something for the Ladies: 0 Points
Explosions/Gun Fire: 10 Points
Cigarette: 6 Points
Man Love: 6 Points
Misogony: 1 Point
Vengeance: 1 Point
One Liners: 4 Points
Violence of Sex Scenes: 12 Points
Stereotypes: 3 Points

Now at first this total of 234 might seem a little lacking from some other movies. Yet this is just the sub-total to the final tally that is to come from the points received in the notes:

Punch The Dyke – 5 Points
Who hasn’t wanted to punch that one total femi-nazi, flannel wearing dyke? I know I have, but haven’t because she’d punch back. Now you get to live that moment in this movie, and that’s before the opening credits are done!

Saint Patrick’s Day at the Bar with your friends and you get into a fight – 1 Point
Nothing more manly than this

Set a guys ass on fire – 5 points
That’s a great way to turn up the heat in a fight! (Yeah yeah, it was begging to be made)

Ripping a toilet off of the floor – 10 points
This feat of super human strength is a great addition to an already intense scene, and it leads into our next note.

Drop said toilet on the head of someone – 5 Points
Now that’s a way to die! Having a freaking toilet dropped on your head from above!
Paul Smecker – Gay, but totally bad ass cop – 1 Point
Played by Wilem Dafoe, this was a great addition to an already fantastic set of characters.

Ron Jeremy as Vincenzo Lapazz – 5 Points
Ron Jeremy making a cameo appearance is classic in his role here.

The Roomful of Guns – 10 Points
Every man man’s wet dream is being able to walk into a roomful of guns and go crazy. The McManus brothers did, it’s a beautiful manly thing.

The Prayer! – 25 Points
Yes that’s a lot of points, but this prayer deserves it. Formatted in the style of an old Irish family prayer the McManus family prayer is uttered before every hit.

Shooting the Cat – 5 Points
I’m not a cat man, so I thoroughly love the scene where Rocko accidentaly shoots the cat.

Beat with a Çue Ball – 5 Points
Another bad ass way to die is when Rocko beats someone to death with a cue ball.

Breaking the handcuffs – 5 Points
In a great moment of Pain Indifference is when the McManus brothers break the handcuffs off their arms by breaking them.

Bad Ass Courtroom speech and killing – 15 Points
A good stirring speech is always a good thing in a good Man Movie. The speech given by the McManus brothers and their father El Duce is one of the greatest of all time. Followed by the killing of a famed mob boss equals one great man moment.

Over-all we have a total score of 330 Ultimate Man Points. Not too shabby.

– Ben Parks

Ultimate Man Movies: Green Street Hooligans June 24, 2007

Posted by Zack in Ultimate Man Movies.
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Pain Indifference: 1

Body Count: 2

Something For The Ladies: 1

Stereotype: 1

Legend: 2

Explosions/Gunfire: 1

Cigarette: 10

Man-Love: 1

Fucks: 65+

Vengeance: 2

One-Liners: 2

Sex/Violence: 10

Random Notes: 10

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Green Street Hooligans is not a wonderful movie, nor is it bad. It’s one of those films that if I comes on television, you’d watch it because it was entertaining enough to hold your attention, yet light enough for the casual viewer to enjoy. It’s essentially a sports movie without the sports. Well, that’s not entirely true, Soccer, or Football, one or the other, drives this film and gives it a plot. This movie wouldn’t exist without the sports happening in the background as the fights take center stage. This film is about a US Citizen going to Britain and basically being adopted by a gang. It’s a little more complicated than that but, for this reviews sake, that’s all you need to know. All the gangs are affiliated with a soccer team and battle whenever their teams play each other. This film has twists and turns that I’ll leave for you to discover but it is definitely a man movie. Perhaps it doesn’t seem like with the points at a mere 102 Kick Ass points but I assure you, there isn’t much here for the ladies.

This film has more fucks in it that a old west whore house. The score would have been higher but I lost count halfway through the movie and couldn’t catch back up. Halfway through the film, I was at sixty-one. It’s astounding. This film carrys two legend points for main character’s. Really, there might be three, but I didn’t count one for personal reasons. This movie had a stereotype here and there but where the film really takes off is the action sequences. This is the most brutal fights I’ve seen since 1988’s Die Hard. It almost feels like you wouldn’t fake this if you tried. There are at least 10 different action sequences in the film, most with nothing more to do with the plot than simply giving a character something to do. It’s an awesome movie in the way that it’s a sports movie without the sports. It has a main gang, fighting other gangs, until they go to fight their main rival who they haven’t fought since a tragic battle ten years prior. It has everything, the under dog, the rival, the lessons learned, even the Rocky feel at one point. It has everything a man could want from a movie.

Here are my favorite parts of the film”

1. The movie literally opens to a street brawl.

2. The main character is so bad ass, he opens every bottle with his mouth.

3. There is a long and drawn out scenes in bars where the characters literally go everyday.

4. I think almost every line of dialogue one character says has Fuck in it.

5. There are three women in this movie. One is used purely for emotional effect, one has no lines and is seen for 5 seconds, the other is a baby.

6. These people don’t throw rocks, they fucking throw bricks.

7. The villain, in an attempt to be shown as pure evil, beats the fuck out of someone for literally talking.

8. Some dude gets stabbed in the neck.

9. Someone is literally beaten to death with bare hands.

10. Successfully makes Elijah Wood bad-ass.